The 2023 theme for Women’s History Month is "Celebrating Women Who Tell Our Stories."
HIV activist Ana Oliveira is sharing her story to inspire others and help to break down HIV stigma and discrimination.
Here is part 1 where Ana receives her diagnosis and experiences HIV stigma for the first time.
*TW* This article contains references to depression, PTSD and suicidal thoughts.
I will never forget the 3rd of January 2019. It was a miserable dark and rainy day. My car broke down, I had an appointment with my son to be seen at the eye clinic. Around 9:30am, I got a call from a private number.
“Hi, can I speak with Ana Oliveira?”
“Ana speaking. How can I help you?”
“It’s Julie from the Health Clinic, we got your blood results back. Is there any chance you could pop in today?”
“Is everything okay? Can you tell me over the phone?“
“I’m afraid not, love. Can you bring someone with you? “
As soon I heard this I knew it was the worst. I knew that what I feared the most had eventually become a reality. No one is going to ask me to bring someone with me to tell me that I have a simple STD.
At the clinic Julie said: “I’m sorry love, I don’t have good news. Your HIV test came back positive. “
It felt like it was a death sentence. It was devastating, not only because of the illness itself, but also how I became HIV positive. My first instinctive thought was my children. If I die, what about them? They can’t live without me. Why me? I was crying…Remember they advised me to take someone with me. I took my little son and he turned to me and asked: “Mummy why are you crying? “ I said “Mummy is going to be ok, don’t worry!”
Julie was lovely, very compassionate. She said: “Ana, this is no longer a death sentence, you can go and live the same long life as someone who is HIV negative as long as you agree with treatment”. I replied straight away, ”Of course I want to start treatment, no questions here.” I knew that HIV is no longer a death sentence. I believe in science. But the way our mind works when it’s faced with fear…it’s hard to explain.
On the same day, I saw a second nurse to take bloods for the resistance test yet she made a very stigmatising comment:
“It’s unfortunate, from all the STDs you could have contracted, you chose HIV.”
An awkward silence filled the room. I couldn’t even answer back. Then realisation sunk in…HIV was not going to kill me but the stigma attached to it could.
The stigma that I’ve faced has shaped my journey, living with HIV and my perceptions about it. I came to lose myself, the one that I was so proud of. The one who had never looked differently to a person living with HIV was now living with this internalised stigma and I hated myself.
In the first year following my diagnosis I was rushing and living in survival mode, but still I managed to buy my house so if something was to happen to me, my children would have a house to live and they could stay together. I knew they would be supported by my family and friends.
With HIV, I came to meet severe depression and I was eventually diagnosed with PTSD and I almost committed suicide. In reality, I didn’t want to die I just wanted to find a way to remove the pain.
My friends never realised that I was depressed, I was off work for long periods of time but pretending I was taking a career break. But with my children, it was a different story, they knew that I was mentally unwell although they didn’t know the real reason.
I started counselling through George House Trust but soon gave up because I thought I would be okay. George House Trust were amazing, always checking on me, reassuring me that they were there for me if I ever needed them.
After another episode of depression, I eventually came to the realisation that I needed help and I started therapy through occupational health at work.
Read part 2 of Ana's story here.
Ana Oliveira